More Changing

For those of you who don't know, me and Bets just got back from Maasai Mara, Kenya. It was an amazing experience and those of you who get my emails can read all about the animals we saw and the cool things we got to experience. I don't know what I'm going to write about on here yet exactly, but I'm just going to type and see what comes to me...could be lots of random places :)

To get to the game park we had to drive 6 hours on some of the worst roads I have ever been on in my entire life, check that, THE worst roads I've ever been on. For example, one time we hit a pothole so hard that i flew out of my seat, with my seatbelt on. And our driver turned around and said, "is everyone ok?" It was intense. We drove through the Great Rift Valley though and that was awesome. We were just driving along and all of the sudden we rounded a corner and in front of us was the Valley. We stopped and took pictures and it was just beautiful. Then we started driving down into the valley. The road was terrible. And combine that with crazy African drivers and you really have a mess. God took care of us and we made it down safely. The road is very steep and twisty and turny the whole way and when people here are behind a slow car they just pass it. Bad idea on a twisty, turny road. Our guide told us about a tour guide and 4 tourists that had been killed on that road just two days before. It wasn't hard to see how that would be very possible. Well on the way back up we saw a wreck. It was bad. There was a big truck and a little truck and a body in the middle of the road. We don't know how it happened, but it looked like a head on collision and the guy that was in the little truck was thrown out and he was dead. It was aweful. The police were there and everything seemed to be under control, but the body was still just lying under the big truck. I've never seen a dead body like that before. I don't understand why no one thought to cover him up or try and take care of him. And it was amazing to think that that could have been anybody, and it could have been us. The combined stories of the tourists who died last Sunday and seeing this man made me think a lot about that happening to us. In America on steep roads that big trucks drive on a lot they have those sand trap things in case their breaks go out...well there was nothing like that, so if the breaks went out...nothing anyone could do. I was very thankful to come out of that situation alive. It made me really start reflecting about my life and goals and things that you do when you feel like you've had a near death experience I guess.

Overall, the whole trip was very reflective. There were many times in the truck when we were just driving around looking for animals and had nothing to do but think and pray. I was very thankful for Bets cause she is one who can sit in silence and it's not uncomfortable. There were hours at a time when we would be standing with the wind blowing in our faces (the vehicle had a pop-top so we could look out) and we would both just be quiet. Lots of times I was telling God that He made some really awesome stuff and lots of times I was thanking Him for lots of you guys. And lots of times I was praying about my relationship with God and how that is growing and changing to be more of what it needs to be. I want to thank everyone who commented on my blog last time, it was all very encouraging. That was nice. I do need to confess though that most of that blog was written with the wrong motivation. I wrote it to get a pat on the back. I wrote it cause I knew that many people respect someone who questions. All of those things are good and true in my life, but it shouldn't matter to me what you guys think. I was so encouraged by your words of affirmation and none of that was false or itself bad, but my need for that is what is wrong. I am searching and growing and learning, but I shouldn't be looking to people for the affirmation of what I believe, I should be looking to God. I'm sorry for that. Carrie, I never understood that time sophomore year when you were questioning your motivations for everything you did. I do now though. I realize that my motivations for most things are all based on other people and not on God. The things I do are for the praise and acceptance I get from the people I care about. I don't know exactly how to go about changing that except to just try and be aware and focus my thoughts on what is pleasing to God.

I've been reading this book called "The Signature of Jesus" by Brennan Manning and there is a quote that i really like. I've adapted it though. I'll let you know where. "The church will respect us if we court it,and it will respect us even more if we reject it in distain or anger; but it will hate us if we simply take no notice of its priorities or what it thinks of us." Brennan really is talking about the world, but i thought that the church kinda fit ok too. There is something about people who intelligently disagree with the church that is admirable. People can respect that. And I don't want to want that respect from my peers. I want to want God's respect and do whatever it takes to be pleasing to Him. Like my mom says sometimes, I want to make God smile.

So that's it for now. No more thoughts in my head. I'll put up some pictures soon...maybe.